Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
how drunk are you?
Several
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
