don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
