how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
