We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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