i may or may not be watching the land before time
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
