Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
