if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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