I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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