can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
did you just send me my own nude
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
