sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
