no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
