i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
