We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
