i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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