It's a beautiful day for a hangover
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
