So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
