Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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