my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
