oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
