He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
