I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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