i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
