Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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