This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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