dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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