have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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