True but thats because hes a fetus.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
