I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What drink are we having for lunch?
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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