Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
