so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
