what day is it and did you see me today?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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