Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
