there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
