we have officially lost it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
