Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
