I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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