I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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