Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
