i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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