Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You may now shotgun with the bride
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
