Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
