Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
