i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i think i just lost a toe
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
