Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
