An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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