It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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