Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
