Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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