I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
