Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
