Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
