im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
