when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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