see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
