I'm so fucking centered right now
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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