I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
