She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
