I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
