this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
