So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
