hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
