you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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