Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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